Sweet Chastity...

It's true... chastity is sweet and it's a gift, whether it's a temporary phase in life before marriage, or a permanent vocation. Well, I guess I'm not using the right word... I guess I mean celibacy. But chastity just sounds nicer. Chastity is important in any stage of life. It basically means having a healthy sexual life, as defined by the Church, whether you are single or married.

But as far as celibacy is concerned, I feel that this is a real gift as well. But I only recently realized it. I feel like my relationship with Jesus is very special during these years post-college, before marriage (which I expect but of course God has his plans...or shall I say surprises???). I just feel like Jesus is mine, and I am his. I am my Beloved's, and my Beloved is mine. I can spend time praying the rosary, or sitting at mass, or sitting just in church and just go into the depths of my heart and be with him alone there. I think this relationship will be on some level different (not worse, just different) when I marry and Jesus wants me to recognize this time of my life not as a period of "waiting for the next thing" but as an important time in my life, for me to grow in my relationship with him, one on one, and hopefully learn to not ask from other people the love that only HE can provide. And that it is only His love that will truly satisfy me.

I find it significant that, as throngs of people shoved their way to just get a glimpse of Jesus, he chose to spend precious minutes of his time on earth talking to one who one would think was "unworthy" of even a glance from him: a woman, an adulteress, a Samaritan, and to reveal to her not only her secrets, but his deepest Secret: that the Messiah had come, and it was He. He loves us so much!  

On a side note, I think my dark night has lifted for the time. I really think the new mass has helped me come out of my funk. Also I have been watching the Passion of the Christ and it is speaking to me in a whole new way.

Also, I recently purchased the new dramatized audio New Testament, Truth and Light, and it is pretty great. Between listening to that and watching The Passion, my understanding of Jesus' time on earth is becoming ever deeper... and I am increasingly in awe, and feel like I am growing in understanding of what his life on earth was about, and how things evolved the way they did.

I long for Jesus. I must be a saint and be with Jesus as soon as I can after he calls me from this life. Thankfully I have maybe 7 decades left to live, certainly no more, quite possibly less. Not that I have a death wish, just that my heart aches for the Love of my life. My bold prayer is that he will deign to be with me on earth just a little tiny bit until I can run into his heavenly embrace. I love him so much!

Love,